Good Crazy!

Life is crazy right now,REALLY crazy with these three. I lined them up and snapped this photo the other day. I have it as my lock screen on my phone and I keep looking at it and thinking about how lucky I am. It's crazy, but good crazy!!

To cry it out, or not to??

I would write a post about sleep deprivation and how I really don't believe in the "cry it out" method and think it's probably best to comfort your baby and keep her close. I would also add though, that I hate it that people judge and that there is SO MUCH guilt involved in those times when you've done everything you can, when you've rocked and fed and changed and fed again and so, after 4 hours, you make the decision to put baby in her own room, in the crib, just so you can lay down and close your eyes for a few minutes .... but you lay there and all you think about is if you're psychologically damaging her as you lay there and listen to the faint screams from the other room. So you get her, and you sit in the chair with her, but then you wonder if you're psychologically damaging yourself...and your other kids, not to mention the hubby who you used to laugh with, you know, what's his name???So then you put her in the co-sleeper, but she cries some more, so you pull her over and feed her while you lie down and close your eyes just for a minute (but there's this voice in the back of your head, this LOUD voice, that yells, if you fall asleep and suffocate her it won't matter if she's psychologically intact or not. So you drag yourself up... Back in the chair..... And wipe your eyes with a cold wet baby wipe. Yea. I would write a post about that if I wasn't so damn tired!

And just so you don't worry, I took her to the doctor today, because I was just sort of hoping (well, not really hoping, but thinking) that maybe she had an ear infection, or something, and maybe it was the cause of the sleeplessness, and that they'd just hand me an antibiotic, or something, and we'd be all good! Well.... She's "all good" not sick even a little bit. :)

Correction

In last post... "Now" not "not". Ashleigh is NOW full time breastfeeding. I am so glad :)

Hard work pays off!

For those of you I have not already updated, Ashleigh Hope is now full time feeding at the breast (except every other Saturday when I work at the clinic for 6 hours). I am so happy. There is no more pumping and bottles and washing and syringes and tubes taped to breasts! No more frustration, just mama and baby and some Fenugreek tea.

Ash now weighs over 10 lbs! She is two months old and in the 25th percentile for her weight, but we're happy with that. My grandmother was a very petite lady, so maybe she takes after her.

Lately we've hit a wall with sleeping though. Namely..... Ash just doesn't like it much. Sleep, that is. Which makes for a very tired, very forgetful, very weepy mama at times. She has been "sleeping" in the co-sleeper beside my bed since we brought her home from the hospital. But Last night after several hours of off/on nursing, crying and restless "resting", I put her into her crib in the room next to ours. I just HAD to sleep. ................Oh the guilt. Lots of guilt with that, and after going into her room 4 or 5 times and moving the fan in there and a nightlight we both fell asleep for a few hours until she woke and I brought her to my bed to nurse again.

I snapped this photo today while we were home along. Wes is at school and Nana came to take Liam ice skating. As you can see from the dark circles under my eyes, I still have not had rest, but as the smile on my face shows I am so happy and in love with the sweet little face next to mine.

This is what early motherhood is.... Bliss, exhaustion, and love.



It goes so fast I know. So fast that sometimes in the blur of sleep deprivation you almost miss it. I'm trying very hard to burn these memories into the back of my mind. I think she is my last little one. It's bittersweet. A part of my will be glad to move past the baby days and onto big kid stuff with my three, but another part will miss that little 2 month old face of hers, as I miss those baby boy faces I used to kiss.

Until next time...... take care.