In 5th grade I couldn't get my hair to do that perfect sausage role with the curling iron like all the popular girls could. I'd get so frustrated and mad. I'd re-wet my hair. Spray more hair spray... nothing worked! My mother, trying to be supportive would say, "It's okay, people like you better if you're not perfect, anyway."
"Yeah right!" I thought.
I'm now 31 and I'm not one of those super human uber-mom's (like you didn't already know). In my world, the toast is burnt, the carpet is dirty, and I can never fit everything into my purse. I'm never good enough. My house isn't clean enough, the dinner's not tasty enough, my kids sure don't listen enough, and I'm not thin enough. (I could go on, but I think you get the idea.)
There is an impossible standard. (Well, impossible for me at least). Some days, I wonder why I even try. I'm never going to be her. One of those women I see, from afar, with the perfectly behaved children.
She sits, sipping her tea, holding her cup with her manicured nails. She's wearing a clean cashmere sweater and neatly ironed pants. She carries a small designer handbag. She's happy. Her Laundry is probably all folded, and put away. Her dinners are gourmet and exquisite. Her children idolize her. Her husband adores her. She probably does volunteer work to help the needy too, and also has some high-powered career.
I'm not her! I can't do it. I can barely arrive someplace on time, with my shirt on right-side-out, and with everybody wearing shoes. She's confident, I'm not. She's good enough, I'm not.
At times I start to think like this and feel down on myself . All too often I strive for perfection and miss. I feel frustrated and get the urge to dunk my head in the sink and start over.
Then I hear my mother's wise 5th grade words in my head, and in my heart, " People like you better if you're not perfect". It's so true. I realize that now. When people show their imperfections we can relate. We feel comfortable to be ourselves. Those who appear flawless are really just hiding behind their perfection. My mother tried to teach me this for years and finally I think I get it.
"People like you better if you're not perfect"
Good thing....it means people must like me ... a lot.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
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31 comments:
Do you actually know people as perfect as the coiffed high power-executive super mother you described? I don't think I've ever met anybody quite like that--if you have, then you're traveling in more impressive circles than I've ever covered in my minivan LOL :)Thanks for the perspective
I do! It was your candor and the many imperfections we have in common that first got me reading your blog, after all.
Neil and I once had a couple over for dinner. I went all out. The table was perfectly laid, the meal was scrumptious, and our guests were horribly uncomfortable. They later confessed to feeling intimidated and they never did have us over to their home.
Your mom was so right!
I stumbled across your blog this morning, and I had to comment on this post. This really struck a chord with me...I too often find myself comparing myself to those "super moms" and wondering how they can be so pulled-together when most days I'm lucky if I can remember to swipe concealer over my zits and not lock my keys in the house as I scramble out the door...late yet again!
Thank you for posting this...I need to learn to relax and be more comfortable with myself, as scattered-brained as I can be!
you are so right!! none of us is perfect, and our imperfections make us unique, they give us something to offer our friends and family who are also not perfect.
when it comes to my sin imperfection, i always remember "he who is forgiven much, loves much" we are who we are for a reason. HE has a plan for you and all your imperfections...and mine too ;-)
I really like you and your imperfections. And I can totally relate to trying to be perfect. As I entered my 40s (and you are realizing this in your 30s - so you are gifted.. there!), I realized that good enough is okay. Now I advertise my weaknesses.
Let me tell you about how I suck at icing cakes... And the list could go on and on. It turns out that things in life are good enough. No need to be perfect.
Hi Susan! I agree.....and I find "perfect" people insanely boring! It's the "imperfections" that are what make the best stories and bring the biggest laughs :)
We do like you! And hope you would like yourself just as much.
I highly doubt such super-moms exist. Nobody is perfect. They might have a veneer of perfection but they most likely see their flaws just as clearly and compensate where they can. Sure they can dress well, but can they relate emotionally to their kids?
Your mom is right: perfect is not an ideal. We love people for being unique, for their peccadilloes and imperfections. We love people when they're good where it matters. Ironed shirts don't matter. Friendships matter. Understanding and relating matters. Being there matters. Those are the things people really admire.
Yeah, you're right Susan....I really Really REALLY like you alot! But there comes a point where imperfections can actually lead to annoyance if you have too many (not you of course..wink). But on the other hand, I often try to be perfect and it annoys you and also others. There's got to be an acceptable level somewhere in between. Susan, is it possible for me to be both perfect and loveable?
Moms seem to really good at comparing themselves to others and then feel they are lacking. I know I have done that.
Listened to a talk on church on Sunday about this very thing - comparing ourselves to others. Of course, we all know it's healthier not to, but it was soooo good for me to hear that talk and be reminded.
Your mom is very wise. Someone once told me, "We admire people for their strengths but we love them for their flaws." I find this is especially true. I want to be around real people--not perfect clones. I want to know that when I'm not at my best, I still have friends who care and I want to be the kind of friend that does the same.
I like you, Susan. Keep being you.
My husband it a TOTAL perfectionist (an Engineer no less) if you couldn't tell from his comment. Poor Weston is taking after him. He gets so upset if he can't do something perfectly right away. It's good for both of them to have imperfect me in the fam :)
Imperfections are the spice of life. Who wants to be around people who have no room for improvement? At least, that's what I tell myself. :)
Those are words to live by!!
I sought to be pefect for a very long time. I've even trimmed the grass around my sidewalk with a scissors when the trimmer was out. I think at times I reached "my own" thought of perfection because, hey, everything "looked" perfect. But, you know what, it's not fun and it's seriously hard to sustain. The lady who looks perfect or the person who thinks they're perfect...open up that little door that each of us have and I bet you find something that's not so perfect. I think I'm quite perfect now being just a little Imperfect!
I have often felt this way. Seriously some people can just make me feel this way. I like your mom's saying!
This is awesome advice. I think that it needs to be sowen on a pillow or printed on a tee shirt. I would totally buy it.
Great post!
Your mom was SO right!
And I've known quite a few moms who appear to be perfect, and deep down, they're not. And honestly, I'd rather live in my yoga pants and comfy sweaters than worry about getting stains on cashmere and spending hours ironing ;)
I say Whoo hoo for imperfections and dirty carpets! Loved this post!
I think those perfect people only exist in our minds, some higher standard we set ourselves up to be like but can never quite get there. In reality, those people who look like they have it all, don't.
I'd say people DO like you a lot! I sure do!
Oh, I SO remember the sausage roll! Whenever I see pictures of my hair curled that way, I can only cringed and want to rip them up. Did you go to Chippewa? After Valentine Hills, I went to Chippewa. And I remember the pressure to be perfect and I wasn't anywhere close. I'm glad I don't feel that so much these days.
Great advice from your mom! and I like the quote "We admire people for their strengths but we love them for their flaws." Relax and have fun.
I love it. No one likes that perfect person. We might want to BE that perfect person, but perfection isn't likable. Flaws and differences and shortcomings? Now THOSE are likable.
I love this post. I'm TOTALLY not her either. :)
You needn't be perfect--just need to know you're called blessed.
My definition of a supermom is someone who is loved by her family and friends. You, Susan are obviously loved by Hubbs and kids as well as loads of friends. That makes you a supermom in my book! Who cares if your hair doesn't make that silly curl!
It is nice to know others feel the same way-I totally am with you on the purse thing! Why do I have so much junk in purse-I certainly don't have a lot of money in there!
I'll like you if you like me ; ) Sausage roll bangs! DYING! Come check out my blog today, there's a little something for ya!
Happy Thanksgiving!
Um, I think the person you're describing is Victoria Beckham, and who really wants to be her? The woman wears killer heals just to take her kids for ice cream for goodness sakes!
Perfect or not, you are what you think you are. If you keep on thinking you are not good enough, then it shall be manifested to you by life.
Remember, the outside world is merely a reflection of our inner world. :-)
What a GREAT post!!
This post has reminded me of why I enjoy reading other mom blogs so much. They remind me that despite how put together other moms may LOOK we're all feeling less that perfect some times. Thanks for the reminder! (You're doing great, btw!)
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